To Dolli,
It was you whom I loved. I know, you no more believe that I have ever loved you. I have slipped from my words, promises, but I had weaved you in my heart. Mistakes, I have done so many, which made me realize , got me strength to stand firmly for what I speak!!!…….
You know you were always a girl of pride for me, I happily use to wear your success as my crown and move around. So many passed taunts but I never mind (but use to get hurt)…….. Yeah I never could open up with you completely as much you did. You are very much disciplined, principled, and I was opposite (I was RAW)…… Today also I cry that I wish I could have been like an open book with you!!!….. Still I have that wish but I want me to be considered with my perspective!!!!!
I always had a fear to open up with you. I always used to think if I share, you will misunderstand me, even may go leaving me or may not hold same feeling about me and such.
I always loved to be with you. You use to fill up a kinda confidence in me. The way of your teaching was not effective on me, rather than getting inspired I used to get hurt. This I thought of telling you but couldn’t . Apart from this, it was really hard to be with the person like you, who is the topper of the class, who is an extraordinarily brilliant, those comparison, sly-boots hypocrisy. I never hated you or been jealous about you because of these, but I often used to get badly hurt. You remember I always used to understand what runs in you without you sharing about it so somewhere I had the expectation that my hurt will be self read by you ….I know, I would have just shared this with you.
You always used to include me in everything, in whatever you do, in whatever you buy, eat , think. You included me in the group of people, who are fond of you. Those people started behaving like friends of mine, started speaking as if they really wanna know me, I too believed I was worth knowing, that’s why they are friends with me. When a crack started showing up in our relationship, a hole created in their sack. They were holding me only because you were close to me. On clarity that am no more in your life I was thrown, as if am a pebble among gem and that made me realize I was tolerated so that they be the best with you!!!!!
You know, very recently I got to know about your dreams, though we were so close before ,I never knew about your dreams . Don’t know why you never shared such things with me. Yeah I was never your best friend to sit and discuss the carrier or the dreams, I was neither studious nor an ambitious student like you, that could be the reason you dint feel to share with me………….
I really wanted to be your best friend in all the ways. But in terms of studies, the field in which you had interest I never could make up. I used to lag a lot…..As soon you saw I lag, you started relaying on your other friends, which used to make me very uncomfortable, Sometimes I think you would have given a try not just to tell do this, do that, but instead took me along with you, would have made me sit and study with you, would have made me see through the companion with whom you would have been comfortable to share your dreams . These thoughts sometimes make me feel I was your best friend for few things only!!!!
Today I know your dreams(few), wanna know all your dreams, wanna know you more, I really wanna tell you about my dreams, small things which make me happy, which make me cry. I wanna tell you how vulnerable I feel sometimes, wanna tell you about my inferiors and wanna know this side of yours as well!!!!!!!!
will you tell???
Will scribble soon!!!!!!!!!!
Asmitha 